Here I Am

Where have I been?

So look at me!  Here I am after more than a year from Blogging, after almost a year away from selling. Why?  I guess I was in training.  I am still in training.  But I think I am getting better managing time.  But I had to cut out things cold turkey.  Re-train my ways.  I felt like I wasn't putting all of my attention to my present moments.  If I was having a conversation with my daughter, for example, why should I be multitasking at that moment?  For me it just felt wrong.  "Put down your phone, Me!"  Integrity. Comfort. Purpose.  No potential future regrets that I am not absorbing every moment with her...with what matters most, with what's important.

It's easy to forget she has only been alive five short years!  Five!  That's another thing - In five years she has mastered skills like walking, riding a bike, making things with her hands, is able to have philosophical conversations...she's learned an entire language, can read, do math, eat and go to the bathroom by herself, even cook!  FIVE!!  In five years you think I could have mastered something.  But I still think about learning Spanish better, experimenting more, honing my craft.  I'm not being critical of myself.  I do think by slowing down with her I have become more patient, more appreciative, learned how to mother better...  I'm just saying in five short years my child has become a full fledged person.  Inspiring to say the least.  So.  I can be part of that or it can pass me by.  I can be easier on myself and appreciate what is happening right in front of me...Now.  I have always chosen her as the first choice but late last year I felt overwhelmed to keep up with all the things I wanted to do like sell my art, write, blog.  One day it dawned on me.  THAT is stuff.  It can wait.  THIS cannot.  I can get bits of that by doing things with her but what's happening right now is what matters.  

But look at me now...here I am!  It's starting.  Life is giving me short bursts and the desire to take a bit of this time again just for musing.  While still being able to drop it without regret, without guilt.   I need to build back into a personal practice now that I am able to separate priorities, stop when I need to without discomfort, live purposefully without regrets.  I play all the time but I would like to give my "playtime" purpose as well.   Life.  It's a good place to be.  I feel lucky.  Very lucky to just.be.happy.  I'm ecstatic I have a couple of people to share that with.

It's good to be back.